I’ve not been here for quite some time. Too busy? Nothing to say? Writer’s block? Not really. Well, a bit busy, but I could find time if I was so inclined~ but I’m not. I’ve had oodles of thoughts, dozens of possible writings I thought to explore, and ideas and photos I’ve considered sharing. I’ve just not done it. I’ve been sort of in this deep chasm of denial. If I don’t look up toward the sky but stay planted here, at the bottom, I’m safe. From what, I ask myself. Well, that is hard to answer as I’m still not looking up. My ears are plugged from those internal voices that are prodding me to write and I’m ignoring all emotions as if they are a catastrophic virus that will take out not only me but anyone I love and care for. Any sign placed into the universe that is steering me where I know I should go is met with my personally devised road block ~ Myself.
The past week has had me on the verge of sobbing and created some internal screaming at the void left by my dad’s passing seven years ago. Adding to this emotional turmoil, I’ve heard of two still-born births, the passing of a woman who was not found for several days, of a sudden death of a young girl just two years into a happy marriage and mother of a six month old daughter and the senseless killing of a police officer who was a father of five. Perspective. It’s the hard truth to how fast life shifts and we can be tailspinned off with only our loved ones to testify to our previous existence and affect on their world.
If you are thinking, “wow, she’s sure bringing down the joy of the season,” I certainly would not take offense to it. But life is what it is and harshly so. And, though it is a season of celebrating life and family and extending the spirit of joy, giving and love, it is because of such losses that we live and strive to find and keep those things alive. Not despite the losses but because of them. It is because of the love and the joyful moments we shared with those lost, even if the moments were brief. Even the stillborn child, that never took a breath outside the womb, has given something to this world. Your awareness now of this child’s brief legacy in his/her parents life has likely touched yours.
The accumulation of all those things I just related to you, is what has presented the basis for me coming here. Coming back to writing. To facing it, whatever “it” is that holds me back. Given the choice, I know all those who have recently passed would want to share thier message~their earthly body to connect by touch, their voice to express life as we’ve never heard before. They would tell their story in order to connect emotionally to others with the hopes that the tide continues to roll forward. Shared experiences are often contrived from a different path taken by each. The only way to connect those paths is to share the experience.
Writing gives us theability to do that. And perhaps that is the reason I’ve avoided it. But today, the universe and God gave me another poignant presentation. (as if the others shouldn’t have already given me clarity) It is the story by a dear friend whose writings continue to open my eyes while she learns to trust and open her heart. It was in reading it this morning that I saw how glorious the written word, along with the gift of listening to and understanding the experiences of others, can bring about something quite powerful. In all honesy I now realize and admit, connection and emotion through writing were/are my nemesis.
It is because of this writing simply called “lunch…” that I plan to come back here, back to writing, without reservation. In some way this strangers willingness to share and show such vulnerability has provoked me to refrain from crowding myself into a place that seems safe. Thanks, to the writer, Tera! It is in your story of experiencing crossed paths with a stranger that has brought me out of the chasm.
Lesson learned and shared:
Don’t ignore what/who you are, embrace it now.
Love those in your life with a depth you never knew you had, they may not be here in the next instance.
Walk your own path, but don’t be afraid to share the experiences along the way.
Nothing you haven’t already heard of or considered before, right? Well, then answer this…What needs to be done to bring you out from your chasm?